Im the one who seek for her attention at first, then we get close. Everything goes normal. Suddenly i push her away. I start missing someone too much. Not her, but someone else. Fucking crap when i blame her for that. I said the way she cares for me make me think of someone. I make her cry. Then after a long time, we seeing each other. One day, she ask me if i contact with that person. Well. Shit happen. Ofcourse, bcause of me. Then i said im sorry. Im feel so guilty. Something happen. Since that day, i push everyone away. Anyone. Including her. I make her cry again. Now, when i was in my sem break. I want to get close with her again. Cause still need her. She been so nice to me. I can talk literally everything with her. But im afraid i hurt her one more time. Idk what is this feeling. Idk if this is love. I don't want it. Last time i felt it, im totally lose control. Messed up. But i know, i sayang you. But get close to you, just make you hurt. All this bcause i care.bout you. I don't want you hurt yourself again bcause of me. But i always appreciate all your gifts. I keep it safe. I read it all night. Thank you

Tired thinking of you like you're thinking of me too. Its like you and I never had memories. How can you ever forget me. Tell me how you do it. Dying force myself to forget you. I remember you when i was driving I remember you when i was sleeping I remember you when i was smoking Shit even more, i remember you when i with someone else But most of time, I remember you when i was breathing There's a person here keep thinking about you I can't control it more Its getting worse

FUCK

Still hurt. Can't stop. Wonder why it still hurt. I don't know why i keep on crying. Till the stage that im totally annoying for this. Missing you who never think of me. Confused with my own feeling. Keep come in my dream. Im keep thinking of you. Hate it so much. Dealing with this for years. Why i keep on need you. Why is it hard for me to let you go. How it become so easy for you

C

Lots of free time, so i start to realize bout my communication problem. Have to admit. Currently i don't have girl bestfriends. Theres two types of communication with girls that i have. 1: that i argue with. Which is make sense. It usually we became friends at first. Then its hard for me to get along with their topic. Or relationship issue, and based on past usually they put blame on me. Idk. Aku pun penat fikir tang mana yg memang salah aku. Try siasat balik dr awal, problem2 tu datang dr bf kau juga en.. argue bout benda bodoh pun ada juga. Mostly dengan perempuan ni mmg problem. 2: that i love with. This is complicated. Cause. You can say that 'perasan sendiri'. But this feeling fell so hard. Kuat betul perasan sendiri. My feeling too loyal, and fuck that. I hate it. Love drive me nuts Conclusion, i hang out with guys. For last 2 years. Since i graduate high school. And it become obvious when i further study at college. Easy to talk, lelaki ni pun kuat gosip gila babi juga. Senang melepak any times utk situation aku yang nak keluar last minute. Tak banyak berkira. Honest terlebih..2,3 kawan aku panggil aku jantan. And yes, diorang mulut puaka. Like me. Guys tell me their secret like seriously, even gf diorg pun tak tahu. Thats why i love my boys. Ada satu kali, kawan aku buat video senyap2 masa tgh lepak. When i look it back, hard to believe thats me. Hmm so weird. Like im see someone else.

T

What you give, what you get back. Being exhausted makes me think too much lately. And i can't hold this sadness anymore Suddenly i realize the truth for all this shit. Which is im too fool to understand the real one. What i feel right now, i deserve it. Hurting others heart. While trying to get her, ive hurt other ppl. The way i get dumped. The same thing i did to them. And how could i done that? Cause i didn't care any of them. Their foolness that makes me heartless and keep ignoring all of them. Keep chasing makes me wonder why they keep doing that. Why we love a person that we can't have. I try to let it go. But i can't stop missing you. Lose my mind till i drive to Kajang, wondering which one is your house from the station

7sm shift really drive me nuts