can't stop being fool.
but already choose it

its fucking terrible
fuck it

Is it?

Why am I have bad feeling with this relationship?
Is that was sign? Cause I don't think I can accept.

There just one thing that annoyyed me most.
We've been together like 3,4 years but why you still treat me like that?

Im not fool enough not know what you do.
We keep argue.
I know all my fault. I always fucked up.

I know things will get better if we stay together.
I know I've lot of weakness.
But please

Try to not make things worse

Sometimes I do need you to remind me that I have a perfect relationship, perfect partner

Not other things

when you're in love with a girl

• you're eager to see that person although you just spent hours together doing nothing much at the local mamak or Pakli Kopitiam
• you still think that person is beautiful even though she was having a bad hair day, or having a wardrobe malfunction
• you tend to talk too much and say things that you mean to cope with the butterflies in your stomach
• you can't even think of doing the nasty with her since you can't even bring yourself close to her. blame the butterflies.
• instead of kissing her lips like you would easily to your girlfriends, a peck on the forehead would be enough to make you smile like crazy
• you would do tome make time just to spend a little time with her in person, cause you never have enough texting, calling and so on
• all you want ever wanted is to lie side by side with her, being close to her and listen to her when she spills her out to you
• you treat her like best friend, scold her like your little sister, adore her like your big brother, and love her unconditionaly like your childhood teddy bear
• you have so many words to say but when you stood in front of her, you'll go speechless
• you listen to certain song and she's the first person that pops out.how you wish yo could dedicate all those songs to her
• you would check yourself on the mirror so many times although you know that she already seen your out-of-bed look
• every time you walk around the mall, there's something will remind you of her
• you constantly pick a fight with her just to get her attention, and let her listen to your random babblings.
• you tend to care too much when you know it will annoy her to the max. you still do
• you apologize for everything even though you know it's not your fault. the last thing that you would wanna feel is her hating you
• you don't care about what people think of her. even they say bad things that will make you think twice, in your eyes but she still fucking Perfect.
• you want her to be happy even you're not a reason for her smile. all that matters is her happiness, and you want the best for her, even though it will kill you to see her with someone better

Nobody knows how to work it out perfectly, but i just wanna show my girl what i willing to do for her, unconditionally. I love you, Bubble 

YOU

how am I tired pasting smiles on my face
Breathless
and weak

maybe i didn't feel the emptiness yet
to look out at the window while she walks pass
but she always here
so close like we never broke

Albeit,
it's usual for some of our days
we think we fucked up for the lost
and we shaken

Thus,
i force myself to laugh and smile
laugh
smile
laugh
smile
or not she run, or my life will ruin

now there are two choices of strong
whether both of us stay strong
or she leave me alone to be strong

my heartfelt for her,is the strongest and deepest ever

Completed

alone at the back seat

then look outside the window

deaf even radio still on

suddenly we just can feel the leaves fall on the grown

look at the white stripes moves so quickly 

how much it feel so empty

inside

it is happen now

no question about it

cause you can't defeat the world

keep it inside

then take the pain

just die

YOU

winds touch hard but we chose not to sway
at all times, we seek new ways
and fantasies of hugs and those bays
hold us together through our days
when arrows rain on us and all we see is love
we smile and cry and laugh and shred holy lacrimation
though must knowst I am nowhere but in the possession

F.E.D -.-

Friend : Extremely Dangerous

why did i said all those things. cause they are dangerous!!! ada ke aku tengah drive boleh main cucuk-cucuk leher aku??? gila ke apa?? tak sayang nyawa ke apa? kalau ya pun tak sayang diri, takyah ah buat aku join excident sekali! bengong punya orang. uishh. nasib jalan lengang. aku tak tahu lah kawan-kawan aku tu. harap er muka lelaki serious. bila tang buat perangai, ishhh. kalah ipan, adik aku tu. boleh buat lawak ganas pula. hishh. stress gak aku dikelilingi orang yang macam tu. sekali aku dah bagi penampar, berterabur gigi.

CONFESSION

0055

FOOD

okay. makanan apa lagi yang aku belum rasa?? semua benda aku dah rasa. and for the first time, hari ni aku kusut nak makan apa. life sekarang?? LIFELESS. duduk depan tv, gelak sorang-sorang. nasib baik chanel tv best. kalau tak????? duduk depan radio, diam-diam. then makan, mandi, tengok tv. huh. itu je?? sejak wan takde, bosan. tak keluar. takpelah. rest sampai lebam lepas kerja ni. nak tunggu gaji, macam lambat lagi je rasa nya. now, 1st Feb. nanti, tahu-tahu je dah bulan March. ohhhh... suspen. tadi buka buku resepi. macam takde yang mengancam je. cakap je. apa lagi menu aku tak penah rasa. someone out there?? for this 3 years, did i speak just with myself???Pizza?? tomyam??? nasi goreng?? nasi paprik?? apa lagi?? burger bakar??? semuaaaa dah rasa. apa lagi yang aku tak rasa lagi? adik aku cakap, aku jadi macam ni sebab dah lama sangat duduk rumah. asyik makan sedap je, then do nothing. memang lah jadi macam ni kan.

Maggi Tom Yam for brunch, and still haven't dinner. pathetic.

peace. VsE

Finally~

akhirnya habis juga aku kerja. wahaaaa. tak sangka tahan juga aku nak keje. tapi masa 2-3 hari terakhir tu, memang dah start malas lah en. pagi-pagi er dah tarik muka takde mood. dengan aku punya senior cina apek mana ntah yang kaki merepek macam budak kecik. menyampah gila nak layan.hm banyak pengalaman aku kerja. walaupun ada yang tak seberapa. dah okay lah biasa nak sorang.. pulak dah hari tu hazwan nak pegi umrah. lagi sedih aku. my gay gone! huh. takpe2, before pergi dah lepas rindu lepak.

tapi en, tak boleh lupa masa kerja. aku punya cashier tu. mak aih. CUTE GILA!!! pergh. awek cina. dah lah rambut pendek. ada iras jepun macam cousin aku, datang pakai skirt dgn locus. style, hot er. otai je. ishh. accent dia cakap macam rajin lepak dengan melayu er. and aku dapat kawan, yang macam gay cute handsome gitu. namanya Rishi. hihihi comel je! dah lah tinggi. dia cakap, uihh. lagi feminin dari aku. study
PTPL. (masyuk...) hahaha.  aku selalu buli dia. hahahah kesian dia. takpe-takpe. ada jodoh, nanti aku jumpa lepak dengan dia lagi. then!! aku jumpa Azirul. hahahah actly mamat ni aku kenal dari YM masa aku form3 dulu. hummm. lama en. tak penah aku jumpa dia. sekali dia ingat daaa. malu er. padahal penah chatting gila-gila. then aku jumpa ex-boyfriend aku, Hafiz. hahahah makin tinggi, makin handsome. hahaha muka budak nerd handsome still ada. kelakar. Chiko dah pakai tudung. tu lagi aku terkejut. aku dengan Afiq gelak gila babi. Afiq bahan dia baik punya. kitorang ingat dia dah nak kawin dengan Epul. rupanya dia memang nak. dah siap  stop smoke agi. uihh mendadak gila. Afiq still dengan bontot besar dia. sian, awek dia,Ekin dah pindah Ampang. hahahah tak lama lagi lah tu. Ekin boleh dapat anak ikan lagi better dari dia kat Ampang tu. hehhh.then Aku???

hehehe macam ni lah kot. now bulan februari ni settle lesen balik. then then! ahaa... masa aku keje fair kat SACC tu, ada akak promoter satu butik ni usha aku buat keje. aku perasan gak dia pandang-pandang. ingat tak puas hati ke apa. sekali dia nak amik aku keje. rupanya masa aku minta keje kat dia dulu, dia kata aku lambat berapa minit er sebelum budak yang dia amik tu. tapi now budak dia amik tu, pemalas rupa er. kira, perangai tak betul sikit aa. dia siap puji aku rajin lagi. heheh kembang dah bontot kat situ. ye aaa, tiap-tiap hari aku jual luggage berat tu, dalam 20-30.mana lah tak tough. nasib tangan muscle. ecehh. tapi dia kata bulan Mac baru ada keje. sebab ada sorang tu keje sebulan er. sooo. dia nak amik aku. hmm i know. korang pk macam tak confirm. aku pun rasa macam tu. tapi bila pk balik dia boleh perasan aku masa minta keje bulan 12 tu sampai sekarang, takkan dia nak lupa en. so?? aku doa je lah. maybe rezeki aku baru nak sampai. hopefully. now?? active balik online. ni je nak cite. lepas gian blogging. eceh!

it will be okay Syaf.

1,2,3 tett

bila first time pandang, wow. okayy.. boleh lah. lama-lama bila dah makin ramah, macam. oh god.. tett. ada je yang tak cukup nya. ada je yang rasa macam tak kene. senang cerita, susah nak jumpa yang perfect depan mata 24/7. and we know that was impossible. elok-elok kerja, boleh pula buka cerita dulu time aku tengah bodoh. ramai sangat ke dah tahu? asal bila tahu, aku sorang je orang tanya. ada je yang lain tahu. ayik aku je yang kene. nak tahu sangat cerita, interview lah orang yang sepatutnya. tanya aku?? main shit je. sepanjang berapa hari ada orang yang kerja ni, memang lifeless sikit lah. tapi dalam cara yang memang aku nak.. lagi sanggup aku bosan kerja, dari bosan duduk rumah, nak pk macam-macam. dah lah wan pegi umrah. takde dah kawan nak lepak. sekarang aku fikir lepas kerja ni, aku nak kerja apa pula. macam banyak yang tkde kosong je. kene focus kat lesen dulu lah pape hal. nak taknak aku kene terima keadaan sekarang. tak semua orang stay dengan kita forever. aku pun kene pandai cari kawan baru semua. yang lama tu, bialah diorang. hahaha. actually bukan senang. kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nak nangis pun ada juga. memang lah bunyi macam benda kecil.just no one get it. kalau time keje, aku menyampah gila bila kene rehat. sorang je. dah tak tahu nak buat apa, smoke je layan diri sorang. achik  tu lagi macam shit perangai. tapi aku paham lah asal girlfriend dia nak kepit je dengan dia. anyway, apa yang jadi kat aku sekarang pun aku tak boleh nak salahkan orang lain. takkan bertahun nak bia orang tunggu kita je. one day dia pegi juga. kalau aku nak rapat dengan siapa pun, aku takut macam benda biasa jadi. lagi buat orang lain sedih. lagi jahat. hm lagi berapa bulan ni je. bila lagi nak rasa kene sorang macam ni. lagi sebulan lebih result, then busy nak cari tempat study. then dah tak pk pasal pape dah. i don't know if i'm ready nak rasa semua tu sorang. seriously rasa macam fuck gila.i thought i'm strong enough. 

Missing is one of the part of moving on

INSOMNIA

okay. today 18th January. it means that the first day i'm gonna start work. i try to sleep since an hour ago, but i just can't . now its 1 am. apa ntah yang tak kene. padahal satu hari ni tak tido pun. nervous sangat ke? or pasal semalam? hahaha.. seriously kelakar tengok mat dengan hazwan. especially hazwan lah. benda tu semua un-planned. tak sangka yang boleh lepak dengan diorang kat BA. walaupun tak delah lama mana. but jauh juga lah. memang aku agak tak okay dengan cara mat tu. but i think he's right. dia jadi macam tu dengan aku, sebab aku ni bukan perempuan yang dia nak flirt. at least he try to be honest. tapi crack tu still ada juga. well :D then hazwan bila dah serabut malu dia tu, bawa kereta pun macam apa ntah. tapi okay gak kene kan dia. bagus juga mat join sekali. poyo er cakap. bila mat dengan aku rapat, tahu pula buat muka tension nya. tapi benda yang aku paling malu gila bila dah sampai tempat lepak tu, diorang berdua boleh apit aku kiri kanan sampai kedai. oh god. malu gila. dah lah aku ni pendek gila. diorang berdua tu pula tinggi sangat. dah macam bawa budak tadika pegi makan je. hmm i think okay lah lepak tu. tapi masa on the way hantar aku balik, tu paling gila. sampai kebas muka aku asyik gelak. aku just tension er, asal laaa diorang taknak bagitahu aku pasal 'Rumah Merah' tu?? and 'Som Tam'??? what the hell is that?? membuli aku je kejenya. mentang-mentang aku tak paham bahasa lelaki diorang tu. anyway, not bad for the first time aku lepak diorang right. hehehe.. we have to try to make new friends. :)

btw, wish me luck for my first day working. Peace! VsE

Written By

look
she smile.
world stop
i'm shock

babe
you're beautiful

wish i can sing
sing a song that you don't know
then you make that face
face show you don't know

babe
you are beautiful

already buy you a rose
but distance killing me
pretend that's okay
even you wanna punch me like crazy

but babe
you're still beautiful

look at that colour
then you show your teeth
give me sign
how you like it

babe
you're beautiful

life go on
it's not as we planned
things must have their own end

but one thing
you're beautiful

-VsE-

Penakut

hey, tonight i'm gonna to talk bout some things that maybe i'm really afraid of. and baru-baru ni ada holiday trip kat Malacca, somewhere in Malaysia(for who not malaysian). try naik Menara Taming Sari, yang memang tinggi gila nak mampos, gayat, dah lah sebatang je tiang tu, memang tawakal lah. kalau bergegar sikit er, ishh. memang tumbang macam ranting patah lah jawabnyaa.. masa naik tu, memang tak boleh buka mata langsung, rasa gayat., menggigil semua. and yes, i do scream. hahaha.. so really don't give a damn sape yang curse aku masa jerit. cause my mum tarik tarik,and paksa suruh bangun. oh god! gila ke apa! walaupun kat luar cas-cas berani er, main maki hamun orang je, tapi bab tinggi-tinggi ni. haih~ memang senyap er.

next, baru-baru ni. turun bawah , pergi dapur pagi-pagi buta. buka lampu je, Tadaaaaaaaaa! lipas terbang depan mata. uishhh. memang jerit gila babun macam pencuri masuk rumah.anytime bila aku nampak terbang er, aku panggi dia Lipas Mengawan.. eiwww. geli-gelimat bila teringat balik. lipas tu terkejut, aku pun terkejut. melompat kat langsir rambut tu sampai dah terjerut je kat leher. that night, free kene gelak dengan someone bila cerita kat dia. nasib comel er -,-

and lagi satu. disebabkan saya ni jarang berjalan kaki merata-rata tempat. so ada lil bit anxiety bila nak lintas jalan. huh yes.. i know it. bunyi macam apa je. korang pk, pakai lah zebra crossing tu, jambatan ke, apa ke en. okay. tapi bila nak lintas jalan guna cara tak sayang hidup tu. i mean, lintas jalan, yang random tu. huh memang kelam-kabut. seriously. clumsy dia sampai orang yang bawa kereta or motor berhenti bagi aku jalan. sebab aku memang clumsy. kecut. tak boleh nak agak. haha :D baru-baru kene lintas jalan masa hang-out dengan diorang, nasib je iman pegang tangan aku. kalau tak, huhh.. huru-hara jalan tu aku buat. actly dulu-dulu aku pernah hampir kene langgar. nasib sempat kereta tu break. time tu kecik lagi lah. tu yang jadi paranoid terlebih. and automatically jadi kelam kabut berjuta. haha

hahaha! XD look at them. just wanna show you that beautiful people could have this ugly face.

when????????? tadaaaaaa!!! :D

SUICIDE

hey guys. okay. hope you guys doing well. lately ni macam biasa je. hang-out dengan kawan-kawan tiap-tiap hari. layan diorang, kacau diorang time keje. and me?????????? my ass getting bigger, i'm getting heavy. totally feel like shit. and last night, i watch movie 'crazy, stupid, love'. haha.. remember that i can't stop laughing like craaaaaaaazy. so hilarious. you guys who still don't watch it yet, do it now! pasal seorang lelaki, Cal yang kene curang dengan wife dia,Emily. and they been married since they was 17. so early right?? when the time that they get appart, he took a class, i think. macam belajar nak jadi  really cool and sexy kasanova. dari seorang lelaki nama dia, Jacob. memang teror lah kan. i know you guys think yang Cal tu teruk right. but he do it because he try to move on. it's not easy to move on from someone that you love. but that affair, buat dia marah sangat. i know Cal loves his wife so much, tp mesti dia fikir macam mana wife dia sanggup curang padahal dia betul-betul loyal. mesti teruk sangat sakit yang dia rasa, sampai dia sanggup move on. but at the end of the day, he know that he can't. hahaha fine... it just a movie, fiqa. pfftt.. but.  i don't know. time macam ni lah kita kadang-kadang suka layan perasaan kan. hmmm ok! but lets think. that's Cal. that was what he decide. maybe sebab ada anak, semua. macam mana dengan perasaan orang lain pula. okay,don't be so naive. hahaha..  billion manusia kat bumi ni. sometimes people use different excuse, padahal the real reason totally different. for me, a person deserve decide apa yang patut dia rasa. and sometimes, kita kene pilih jalan yang akan buat orang marah, for a better life in future, for someone that we really appreciate. kita tak boleh nak harap semua orang paham kita. and kita tak boleh paksa orang. cause that's the best way. for you. and you know it. yes, you know it.

2013 :) this is it

maybe this is a good start for a new year. maybe it is not happen as we planned. but it is a new beginning.so much    things happened, and we just gotta let it go. 2013 may give me a new story, new life, and maybe new feeling. what matter is how much i'm feeling good bout myself. the step back that i'd choose,still doesn't make me  feel better.sometimes we cannot follow our instinct too hard, and lie to our self that it gonna be good, even you realize its not. stay calm, and just adapt with the present. too much think bout past, make you feel bad. too much think bout future, it will be disaster.life is not about pleasing others.at the end of the day, you're the one who will through it, by your own self. have fun every single day, so much memories we can make. don't waste it with tears. with bad choice. Happy New Year. <3